I’m Falling Out of Love in My Marriage – Tips and Advice That May Help

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I get a lot of very heartfelt emails from people who feel like they are in either the beginning or end stages of “falling out of love” with their spouse. Most of them want to stop this process. They love their family and they don’t want to disrupt their life or to do anything or feel anyway that would bring about major life changes. Still, it is human nature to want to be as happy and fulfilled as you are capable of being. And one of the strongest of all human urges is to love and be loved. So, if you feel that this is missing from your life, especially within your own home or within your own marriage, you are likely to feel and experience this void very deeply.

Even so, recognizing what is happening is the first step in fixing it, and I know first hand that it can be fixed in most cases. I firmly believe that most of the time, it is not the feelings that have changed, it is the circumstances that have. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Are You Participating In The Behaviors And Experiences That Will Keep You “In Love” With Your Spouse?: Often when people tell me that they are falling out of love, I ask them how much time they spend doing the things that they and their spouse enjoy together. In other words, what types of activities did you enjoy when you were falling in love, and how often do you do these today? Often, people will pause, shuffle their feet, look down, or begin to spout of the laundry list of tasks and chores that define their lives today. These phrases are usually prefaced with things like “yeah, but….”

I understand this. We all have so many obligations that it can feel like we are literally swimming in them. And, it’s not that we don’t want to take or make time for our spouse, it’s just that it can be, well, very difficult to juggle it all. I’m not bringing this up to elicit guilt or blame. Most everyone is guilty of this to some extent or another. But, few of us are able to look at this with some clarity and see the direct correlation between the QUALITY of time spent together and the QUALITY and intensity of the way that we feel about our spouses.

If we are only giving a lukewarm or “passable” attempt, then we are only going to get a lukewarm or passable result. This is true in all aspects of life, not just relationships. But, this lopsidedness will become quite evident in your marriage over time, no matter how good your intentions and no matter how much you really are committed to your spouse. You simply can not neglect the relationship and yet except to feel the same intense feelings.

If you took one day to witness how you interact with your spouse as an objective outsider, I’ll bet you might be surprised at what you would see. I really was quite stunned when I did this exercise. I really did not find myself holding hands with my husband or spontaneously touching him. My therapist asked me to contrast this when we were first dating and of course, the difference was startling. She asked me to begin to focus just on one thing each day to bring us both physically or emotionally closer. This could be one back rub and for once, taking five minutes to really listen to what he was saying without absent mindedly sorting the mail. These small efforts helped me to see things from a different perspective.

Why Passion Always Fades (Even If You Really Do Love Your Spouse): I once had a therapist tell me something that I now often tell my readers. When I was confessing that the & and chemistry seemed to be exiting my marriage (mostly on the part of my husband) she told me that this is inevitable. What people define as the fireworks and the spark will often make it’s grand exit because these things are based on “novelty, mystery, and discovery.

Well, when you are together for a while, these things can’t help but leave the equation somewhat. You pass that phase where you are learning new, exciting and novel things about each other. The mystery leaves and you often turn your attention to the new discoveries that you can make about your children or your career. This isn’t your fault, but it is the way that it is. You can change it though. You can concentrate on continue to discover new things about one another. You can shake things up a bit to create new novelty. You can travel together and experience new things so that you are always in a position to make new discoveries in an environment is conducive to excitement and enthusiasm.

Getting Started: When I tell people that they should start tweaking their circumstances and experiences today, they are often quite hesitant. They are reluctant to step out side of their comfort zone or to be the only one who is interested in changing things. It can feel really vulnerable to take the initiative, but someone has to and the rewards are going to be yours. Making your spouse happier and giving them more attention is only going to benefit you. Their happiness is sure to pay dividends to you when they return this favor.

Take small steps. Focus on giving a little bit more time and effort each day. Focus on finding things that you can both enjoy and look forward to. You do not want for this to feel like hard work or something that you have to convince yourself that you should or want to do. You should chose things that you will find appealing so that you will actually want to do them and will want to share them with your spouse.

Over time, as you begin to commit more time and effort, you will start to see meaningful changes in the intensity of your feelings. It truly is a very simple equation. Quality in almost always equals quality out. This is true in all things – even marriage.

There was a time that I thought my marriage was truly at it’s end. My husband had totally checked out, had made clear that he was no longer “in love” with me, and would not lift a finger to help me reconcile the marriage. Thankfully, even though I had doubts, I decided to try one last thing, to give a little more, and to approach it from another angle and this eventually worked. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.

//www.youtube.com/v/1tuoqAMuyM8?color2=FBE9EC&version=3&modestbranding=1

How to Save Your Marriage When You Start Falling Out of Love With Your Spouse?

http://www.lonelinesstohappiness.com/

How to Save Your Marriage When You Start Falling Out of Love With Your Spouse?

I think you’ll agree with me that life really is not happy when you start falling out of love with your spouse. It seems as if you are both walking around on eggshells in an attempt to not annoy each other and keep the peace. Only, this is not the way married life should be, so what on earth can you do to get those old loving feelings back again?

This is an easy one for me to answer, because I had precisely the same problem happen in my marriage. Life was really such a drag. Every morning saw me reluctant to get out of bed – another awful day, how do I get through it and still be sane!

This carried on for a while until I thought long and hard about it one day. No-one else can do anything about my situation except me, so it’s up to me to pull myself together, make an effort, and try to do something about it.

Are you in this position? At the moment, do you really hate your married life because you seem to be falling out of love with your spouse? Well, obviously the fire has gone out of your marriage. You and your spouse, without realizing it, have forgotten that the two of you are the main players in this thing called marriage.

So what can you do about it? One very good bit of advice that I can give you, is to talk. Yes, you and your spouse need to sit down and have a very good heart to heart chat about the state of your marriage, and come to an agreement as to what you should do to improve the situation.

Be absolutely honest with your spouse, and tell him/her that, things have become so humdrum in your married life, that you don’t feel the same towards him/her anymore. It is vital to talk to your other half when you start falling out of love with your spouse. It is their right to know what is going on.

You’ll probably find that you have both become so busy with your jobs, the children, golf with the mates, the book club that you belong to, that you simply have no time for each other anymore. Any number of things can be blamed when you start falling out of love with your spouse.

The great thing is, you seem to have found out in time that there is a problem in your married life, and, if you love each other enough, you can have a lot of fun fixing this problem. Use your imagination to make each other happy, and enjoy getting your marriage back on track again!

Whether you are still together and having problems or you are already separated and want to save your marriage… the next step is absolutely crucial! Don’t make the mistake of saying or doing something that will kill your chances of getting back together with your spouse.

CLICK THE LINK to find out what you need to do to save your marriage and emotionally reconnect with her or him again.
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1 COMMENT

  1. Yes, yes yes! This is gold! One thing I would add is to fire up motivation to take action, to overcome a relationship. Treitan Mellory (google him maybe?) made me do just that and after pointing me in the right direction, my ex is the one that is actually chasing me!! And yeas I took her back :)

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